07. 26. LUNCH

Vietnamese summer rolls

Saturday seminar class is great because afterwards we get to pig out like the totally fit and health-conscious college girls that we are. So I think this qualifies as summer rolls because it’s wrapped in lightly cooked rice paper — wait, is that the only prerequisite? At any rate that is what I am going to call them. I would have taken a picture of the wrapped result, but you’re kind of fully occupied when you’re trying to keep that wobbly vegetable mess of a baby safe in its placenta on your hands, so that sort of presence of mind is not going to happen. By the way, this restaurant is amazing. It has fantastic food and the most atrocious service that I’ve ever seen. They nearly refused to seat us, then they wouldn’t stop sneering. If we could have left tips, we definitely wouldn’t have. But the food was so incredible that we decided to put up with all the haughtiness.

seafood rice noodles

I don’t think I’ve ever gotten rice noodles with seafood instead of beef, and it’s actually not bad. The flavor is a lot stronger, and it’s more forthright and spicy than with meat, but it’s got a nice feel of its own. Also I ended up eating pretty much every single mussel in it, and the one shrimp, so I am satisfied with myself. I pretend that was my prerogative for sitting in front of the bowl.

pineapple fried rice

And not in front of this, which you might possibly know that I would murder an acquaintance or two for. Unfortunately it was on the other end of the table from mine, and even the picture wasn’t taken by me, I had to ask a favor, but the two spoonfuls I had were really, really, really, really, really good. No, but I’m not complaining, seriously, I hogged the mussels. And I was too full for much more of the fried rice anyway. Even if I’m not sure that I wouldn’t have stuck a toothbrush down my throat if I’d been offered more.

07. 25. DINNER

fried chicken and rice

I-I feel lost. I just made a decent-sized post about this meal (or about something else altogether, but it was a post at least) and it just disappeared into the Internet. I have lost all will to fight. I am going to publish this now, because I haven’t recovered yet from the shock and I’m going to need some time to myself so that I can cope. What is wrong with the world? she asked, melodramatically.

07. 24. DINNER

capsosiphon fulvescens soft tofu soup (매생이순두부) and rice

Yes, I am going to call it that, so suck it. I despise translating food names with all my heart. Every time it pops up during translation class, I want to punch the language barrier in the face and feed its mangled corpse to a pack of wild dogs. This doesn’t really work out well for maintaining a food blog, but hey, at least I found some name to call it by. It’s actually accurate, though it’s about as intelligible as any other name that you feel like inventing on the spot. The Korean word for it is considerably less confusing. Anyway, it’s a type of algae that’s supposedly super healthy for you, and my mom is a huge fan. We were all wet and tired by the time we got back from my dentist’s appointment — which was why we were in the neighborhood of the Italian restaurant for lunch — and so we gave up on frugality and diligence and just decided to eat out. The tofu restaurant ten seconds away from home was a good choice. Making soft tofu soup with this capsosiphon fulvescens nonsense makes the result not spicy at all and actually pretty refreshing. I don’t know if I can enjoy an entire bowl of it, and my brother won’t touch it because he thinks it looks hideously unappetizing, but the two or three spoonfuls I had were good.

굴전: oyster pancakes

“전” is another word I hate translating. It obviously has nothing to do with pancakes. It’s more of an egg-coating and grilling affair than anything to do with pancake mix and maple syrup. But I rather get a kick out of this gross chasm of logic, so I’m going to go with pancakes here. I grovel for oysters. It’s nearly safe to say that oysters were the only good thing about Baltimore, but not completely safe, because it’s not completely safe to say or do anything in Baltimore. I’ve been eying the oyster pancakes on the menu since the last time I was at the tofu restaurant, and today I decided to get some. God they were so amazing. I totally understand why many, many people think oysters are gross, but it’s just — they’re so — they’re so good. It’s an explosion of taste and it’s — well, you know, it’s like nothing else. Oyster pancakes tone that flamboyant individuality down somewhat, so it’s easier to stomach overall, but it’s so warm and soft and augh it makes up for the loss of distinct flavor. This restaurant makes a mean batch.

yoghurt-flavored ice cream sandwich

Yes, I am also going to spell “yoghurt” like that so suck it. This isn’t a democracy. We went to the bakery ten seconds away from the tofu restaurant to get dessert, and my mom was craving an ice cream sandwich. As soon as we saw the fridge I realized that she was going to get the yoghurt-flavored one and that there was nothing my brother or I could do about it. I guess it wasn’t bad, as far as yoghurt-flavored things go, but I’m not a huge fan and I would have much rather had the green tea flavored ice cream or something along those lines. But here’s a picture — hi mom.

07. 24. LUNCH

insalata caprese

If you asked me to pick my favorite Italian restaurant, my answer would have nothing to do with the quality of the food offered. Alright, so their food isn’t bad or anything, but the fondness that I have for Di Matteo goes miles deeper than that. It’s the first “restaurant” that I remember frequenting, the first place that I felt that we might visit again later and know what to do. It doesn’t even have street cred, it was opened by a celebrity and it’s not a tiny hole in the wall or anything. But we first came here as family, I think, and sometimes I drag friends here just because however vaguely, I can sort of remember that once we were all ten years younger and in the exact same place eating the exact same thing. Also that leads me to believe that this was where I was introduced to caprese salad, which I little knew would become one of the great loves of my life. It’s only halfway to being authentic, but honestly I’m not going to be elitist about a topic that I’m so little acquainted with. Anyway, the taste of basil is something like enlightenment. The smell of rosemary is fulfillment and the stench of sea salt is a battle.

tomato, cheese and arugula pizza

Arugula is the correct word, right? They use the Italian names on the menu and I don’t think they have a Korean name, as far as I know. So this is what we never fail to order, every single time we’re there. And I would call this the best pizza I’ve ever had in my life, despite it being soggy, not quite thin, a little saggy, a little watery for the two mouthfuls that it lasts you. Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s going to change anytime soon — the pizza, or my misguided opinion. But across the street is where my mother works, the roasted chestnuts from the street vendor that I wanted more than anything when I was ten, the School of Nursing, the children’s hospital, the bubblegum and enamel taste of the dentist’s office, the tang of blood in my throat, the rainy walks, and every time we sat down in this completely uncool restaurant just because we knew it would be there. Where else can you get arugula on pizza in this city, anyway? Nobody is a fan of diversity.

07. 22. DINNER

pork cutlet, green peppers (고추) and rice

WordPress seems to have gotten rid of the little photo caption thing that I was complaining about. Score! Somebody had something right on their mind. Anyway, here’s dinner. I had fish for lunch, but I was eating with a person that I had to do a presentation with, and I really don’t want to be construed as a freak on first impression so I kept the camera unused. OH MY GOSH so on the radio show just now they referenced my favorite favorite favoritest comedian from 2004. That sounds so random but — honestly, there was magic there, I can’t believe it was four years ago. Unfortunately he jumped the shark when people started making more out of his ~boyish good looks~ and not his odd, self-sustainable sense of humor, but while it lasted it was amazing. I have no idea what he’s doing now, apparently he went off to become an actor or something but things didn’t really pan out — anyway, it’s such a nostalgic topic to think about. He would strut onstage with his ridiculous white cape, his entire act built on his own personality and a handful of cheap puns, and just as abruptly he would stroll off again, so utterly full of himself. No wonder it took a while for his skit to catch on. It’s somehow fitting that ZL is the one doing the referencing. Well, that was four years ago — when I was actually up to date on the comedy shows and I found some of it funny at least. I’m sure some stuff out there is funny now, I’m just missing it all. BUT YOU GUYS I CAN’T STAY UP UNTIL PAST MIDNIGHT JUST TO GET A FEW LAUGHS. COME ON BROADCAST TELEVISION.

07. 21. DINNER

grilled salmon

I am developing a knack for grilling fish! Basically you alternate between having the heat on full blast and attempting in a silly fashion to steam it by turning the heat down and putting a lid on the frying pan. And then you check anxiously every ten seconds or so. Then when you think that the entire thing is so burnt that it would probably taste like wood and ashes, give it five more minutes. Then it is done! Delicious delicious fish. That doesn’t taste like wood and ashes. And is actually thoroughly cooked. I am a miracle worker.

올갱이국: marsh snail soup

Alright, this is definitely not the right name. I just can’t find an alternative. These aren’t snails, they’re more like very tiny freshwater conches — that is, if conches are actually snails — are they? — then I guess these might be snails, but as far as I know they aren’t famous for living in marshes. They’re usually found on cold mountain stream beds or something, or I could be completely confused and making all of this up. At any rate, they taste so incredibly good even when the soup comes out of an airtight packet and is suspiciously easy to cook. What I would much rather be having is a paper cup full of hot steamed tiny freshwater conches that they have at the feet of hiking trails, and then, you know, not actually do the hiking. Mmm.

07. 21. LUNCH

짜장면: noodles with stir-fried black bean sauce

This is to actual 짜장면 what Spam is to meat. It comes out of airtight packaging and is suspiciously easy to cook. Also you don’t necessarily have to cook it at all but otherwise people look at you funny. I would think of other analogies but it is not really worthy of my time. I’ve been having an unusual amount of 짜장면 this vacation, for some reason — I must be craving salt and grease. Wow, the radio show is playing the theme from Indiana Jones and I’m torn between wanting to sing along and trying to figure out what it signifies in the context of the story. I am so preoccupied right now, aren’t I. Well, to be fair, when I look over this blog for my own pain months from now, I’m not going to be doing any reading. Just staring. And salivating.

07. 21. BREAKFAST

crackers with tuna salad

I am having this. Which means that we went to E-Mart. Huzzah for food! I keep forgetting that I should stock up, I might as well, so I always end up getting three cans and polishing it off in a week and then being very sad about the whole ordeal. Anyway Monday starts off smoothly. Also right now I am still listening to this radio show and it is all kinds of ridiculous. Of course half the jokes fall flat, but the other half don’t where they should, so it’s just even more ridiculous. For example currently Zhuge Liang and his brother have been making fools of themselves for five whole minutes out of a twenty-minute episode. Actually let me revise something back there — half the jokes that fall flat are only half failures, because at least you can tell what they’re referencing with the gag, which is marginally better than some avant-garde invention of humor that involves creative ways of inducing awkward silences. I am so sick of awkward silences in comedy shows. Let me just make that clear, out of the blue.

07. 20. BREAKFAST

omelette

It appears that my mother has decided that my brother and I are devoid of all emotion. She is determined to make us cry at all meals. Otherwise why are we getting an omelette for breakfast, what have we done to deserve this? It was a pretty good omelette too. I mean, honestly, I know I make the best ones out there so it’s hard to compete, but these are passable. I say they will do. I didn’t actually eat mine with ketchup, but the picture definitely looked better with it so I just put the ketchup on and then handed it over to my brother. It is sort of amazing how this is the first decent breakfast I’ve had in a week or so. Oh, the humanity. But really my life is pretty good. And this radio show is worming its way into my heart. No, self, you can’t let this happen, it’s a show on the educational channel, it’s not supposed to — aw, but the jokes are so overboard and the music is fantastic and the POP CULTURE REFERENCES ahahaha what is this madness. Zhuge Liang is closer to the Red Cliffs portrayal of him as opposed to, you know, the whole icy aloof Please Don’t Touch Me with Your Filthy Hands I Have Chronic TB and I Am Generally Flawless Excuse My Beauty version of him. Speaking of which, I need to watch the movie a third time sometime this week. I’ve only ever done one other movie three times, I think that was The Two Towers, and that was up for considerably longer. And was a less shameful movie to watch three times. But just barely. My dedication amazes me at times. Here I go miles off track again.

[ETA] I have grown bored. The next two meals weren’t that interesting (beef, fish and tofu, respectively) and I’m not saying anything worthwhile anyway, so I’m going to give up and give in and focus on the radio show. And then maybe do homework or something, what is this homework that you speak of? This is not the student you are looking for.

07. 19. DINNER

새우볶음밥: shrimp fried rice

According to my mother, last week she made dinner for my brother once and he nearly burst into tears. This is simultaneously more and less amusing than you’d think. It is a completely logical reaction, considering that on other evenings he makes dinner, eats dinner, then does all the dishes. This may or may not be partially my fault, but then again is it my fault that I’m so insanely busy this vacation? (The correct answer is yes: doing away with German would free up everything after seven.) Anyway, so it’s not as big an overreaction as it sounds initially, but at the same time I am unfortunately capable of conjuring up the full mental image. This can under some circumstances be called funny. I prefer “ghastly”. Am I not making sense? Yet again? Well, honestly, I’m not stopping this this radio show until I get through a satisfying number of episodes, so you’re just going to have to deal with the nonsensical stringing together of phrases.

cold mochi

And this was for dessert! A student of my mother’s was invited for dinner, and she’d brought this. God they were so good, and I don’t even like mochi all that much. Wait, oh, Jesus God, so Zhuge Liang just left his little country cottage lair to set out into the wide chaotic world (…so now you know what I’m listening to. This is actually an oddly amusing rendition, the voice actors all sound like nightclub emcees.) — and the music they used was Gabriel’s Oboe from The Mission. Oh, are you kidding me! They are really careful with their music selection so it’s not like they were all HERE IS A NICE MOODY SONG HAY but WHAT DO THEY MEAN IF THAT’S NOT WHAT THEY MEANT? Is this an extended metaphor?! ZHUGE LIANG AS PLAYED BY JEREMY IRONS? SO ZHUGE LIANG GETS CLIPPED FULL OF BULLET HOLES WHILE TRYING TO CONVERT THE ADORABLE YET THICKHEADED CRETINS OF SHU HAN TO MARGINALLY CULTURED BEINGS WHO WILL PLEASE LISTEN TO HIM AND NOT ASK ALL THESE QUESTIONS ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE SO PAINFULLY OBVIOUS OKAY? Ugh, migraine. This show is legitimately funny. I am impressed. Was I talking about food? Is this a food blog? Where am I? Who am I?