07. 11. DINNER

beef ribs

These are called “LA ribs”, and until about ten minutes ago, I always thought that it stood for Los Angeles. That when the first wave of college kids went to study in the States in the 80s, they brought back some sort of newfangled food-related fad that had something to do with cutting the ribs this way instead of, you know, the other way perpendicular to this. But actually, it doesn’t stand for anything like that at all, and Los Angeles has nothing to do with anything. LA stands for “lateral axis”, the meaning of which is now self-evident. I have no words. I am beyond words. I have been lied to all my life. Can I ever believe in anything anymore? The cake is a lie.

07. 11. LUNCH

steamed dumplings

It is a testament to my — have I already begun a post this way before? Deja vu — my workload this July that I had no idea I was using mismatched chopsticks while eating this meal. Actually I just kind of inhaled it. It’s surprising what will fit into your mouth at once. What’s even more surprising is how many of that your mother fit into her mouth last night. Yeah. Oh, I went there. I went where multiple men have gone before. And I went there last night. I-I still have heatstroke. Forgive me.

07. 10. SNACK

Takeshi Kaneshiro as Zhuge Liang

WHAT A RIDICULOUSLY HOT PIECE OF MAN-FLESH. What is this? What is this movie? I can’t articulate my thoughts concisely enough to have all this rambling fit into a post about mero fish, so here it is, a separate scream. Red Cliffs was no artistic masterpiece, not something that goes down in history as an example of superb film-making. The biggest tragedy is that since the source material is largely episodic, it’s difficult to translate that into a movie that holds every little piece together. But you know what, I couldn’t possibly care less, because I love this movie so much and I don’t even know why. Is it the casting? Certainly — I have an unconstrained adoration for movies that are cast according to something even deeper than stereotype. Something like archetype. There’s no need to search for the perfect balanced group, no worries about target audience or wrongful representation; they simply look the way that they are, and that’s exactly what this movie does. Is it the hotness? I won’t deny it — Takeshi Kaneshiro makes me want to tear down the projection screen and ingest every little piece of it in frantic lust. Or something. But in general, it’s a war movie with an epic budget, it better look hot for what it’s worth. And it did. It could also be John Woo’s obsession with doves.

Zhuge Liang and John Woo’s dove

I swear to God, if the theater wasn’t so packed, I might have actually emitted some sort of high-pitched shriek every time Takeshi Kaneshiro was onscreen. It’s just ridiculous. Strutting around like that with his infuriating fan, all coy and pensive and yet at the same time, he has the most hilarious scenes. No lie: HE DELIVERS A HORSE. The traditional instrument battle was as stiflingly badass as expected, and he fans doves and dusts himself off angrily and slkdjlfkjse I have resorted to keyboard smashing. Also let’s be honest: all those men inhumanely intensely gazing at each other all the time didn’t hurt, either. Of course it’s usually because one of them has a huge ginormous …army, and the other one is supremely skilled in b… battle. But hormones are hormones all the same! I guess my only comment that even approaches criticism from this angle is that Zhuge Liang is not apocryphal enough to suit my fantasies. He’s still a little lost, a little ruffled, a little hesitant, which is still considerably more romantic than historical accounts have him be. So really I shouldn’t be complaining at all. Besides, his true calling was never military tactics, it was politics, they say — and the little things he did, like changing the freaking weather and INVENTING THE FREAKING DUMPLING. ONLY THAT. Honestly, how many people have invented the dumpling? ONLY ONE. ZHUGE LIANG. This man was a god amongst sweaty, fierce, totally ripped mortals. Oh, Zhuge Liang. Three isn’t a number that does you justice; I’d have waited at your door a thousand times. My dusty invention of a crush.

07. 10. DINNER

메로구이: grilled Chilean sea bass

Sweet Jesus God what have I begun. So they always have this “mero” grilled on a platter at the conveyor belt sushi place that we go to, but the plate is silver or gold, can’t remember exactly, which means that it’s usually more expensive than filling. So we don’t ever go for it; also it’s cooked, so we thought that it defied the purpose of going out to eat sushi. I’ve only ever had two bites or so, and my brother’s never had it, so today for dinner we bought a cooked chunk from our favorite haunt across the street. Wow, that makes it sound really edgy and indie and hip. Anyway, this stuff is incredible. They’re cold-water fish, so mero have this — this — forgive the listing of vaguely pornographic words again, but — this succulent, sweet, amazingly tender flesh. There. I’ve said it. Besides it kind of tastes like porn in your mouth so it’s all the same. It is also superbly fatty so you probably wouldn’t want to eat it often, which is just as good, because it’s really expensive here. But it’s really, really good fish. And now every time we pass it by when we’re shopping for side dishes across the street, I’ll be sad. Think of me, mero fish! I have had you, and I have enjoyed you greatly. This is what you were born for.