08. 27. DINNER

boiled pork and rice with a stick of cucumber

Look! The cucumber is growing out of the rice! It’s nothing but honest magic. I guess it’s a pretty average meal and I was enjoying the cucumber sticks because cucumber sticks are awesome if they’re accompanied with the bean paste of choice wait actually they are still awesome without the aid of any condiment but seriously it goes from side dish to mere vegetable without the bean paste and I’ve started rambling about things again but wait, this isn’t what I was set to ramble about. We were watching TV and we had the right time slot to catch all the food-related shows, and they had this special on this one fish I have no idea what the English name is, Wiki says “hickory shad” but have you ever heard that name before? Because if it’s as common as it should be, non-fishermen should be well-acquainted with the name too, but at any rate, it’s that fish, and it’s just coming into season now that fall is coming, and the fish are fattening up and they’re being caught by boatfuls and oh god when you watch them flop it’s like you can taste them in your mouth. The sashimi looked phenomenal, I love the kind where they slice up the little bones along with the skin and Jesus God just talking about it is driving me insane. Gluttony has its own circle of Hell. I would post a picture but I’m kind of desperately hoping that I can have it somewhere before I leave and also talking about it has made me too depressed to work up the energy to resize the picture. Farewell, cruel blog.

08. 25. DINNER

marinated pork rib and rice

No way, I haven’t had this so far this vacation? I find that hard to believe. Maybe I forgot to take the picture. But anyway we were trying to think of what to have for dinner and I thought maybe pork ribs would be nice, because we hadn’t had it in a while, definitely. So I bought some and we asked the Deaconess — wait, wait, wait, that sounds really, really confusing. Back up there. So. We’ve had hired help around the house since we were little, because we couldn’t be expected to cook and clean for ourselves at the tender ages of whatever it is that you consider a tender age. Back then we were living next to our grandmother’s place and we were all attending the same church, so the lady that helped was a friend of our grandmother’s from church. We weren’t taught to call her “grandmother” despite the term not being exclusive to relatives, I don’t know why, and we always called her “Deaconess” — wow, that sounds so incredibly odd in English. Like it’s a class of the nobility or something. Anyway, we’ve had two or three different ladies since then, not all of them acquaintances from church, and I guess maybe it was just a form of respect to call her “Deaconess” because I think we called the second one “grandmother” for sure. The lady who helps us now (since although we can grill things and cook rice and get the basics out of the way, we’re not skilled enough to make side dishes or kimchi or the like) is another Deaconess acquaintance from church, though, so we call her — okay enough about this. What was I talking about — yes, the pork ribs. So what we wanted was pork ribs marinated and boiled in bean paste, but while I was being exhausted from the walk in hot weather, my brother took the ribs to the Deaconess and promptly forgot to say anything about bean paste. Soooo we ended up with the spicy version, which we’re also fond of, but it gets on your hands so much — I have no idea why this entry is so long. I’m going on and on about deaconesses, what.

명란젓: salted pollack roe

Speaking of deaconesses, though, I think this is the food I most strongly associate with my early childhood. I have no idea why we had so much of it, or even if we actually did, but I have a feeling it was present at the majority of meals. And when I recall that we used to bounce around like rubber on the couch and try to sing along to the theme song of the cartoon on TV and generally refuse to eat dinner, the spoon masquerading as a train usually had rice and salted pollack roe on it. Now that I think about it, what an odd thing to try to feed little children. But we never had much of a sweet tooth.

08. 24. DINNER

삼겹살구이: grilled pork belly

The hurrying through meals deal that we had going on and that I disliked so much was the most pronounced at this one. We’d just gotten back from further down south, and we were in our father’s neighborhood. We had half an hour to eat dinner before the bus left for Seoul, and so we ran into the restaurant and ordered and started grilling the meat while our father was parking and running back. I mean, really now? The bus leaves every twenty minutes, and we’d have gotten back to the city hours before public transportation closed anyway, so frankly I don’t see the hurry at all. But anyway there was hurrying to be had, and the only reason that no one was actually angry was that our mother wasn’t there to light the entire fiasco on fire. As it was, I spluttered a little and sulked a little, my brother spluttered as well and tried to talk sense, and our father hurried a lot. It’s actually sort of funny in hindsight, but most things are. The food, well, the food was great. They call this “honeycomb pork belly”, but not because there is marinating of any kind involving honey — it’s because they have honeycomb-shaped incisions made into one side of the meat so that it grills better, apparently. I don’t know if that really works but the meat was good and it did grill well and we weren’t late for the bus. My final verdict is that it was a super awesome vacation and that I will probably go broke because my Engel Coefficient is through the roof and the only response I will have in regards to that is that IF SOMETHING IS THROUGH THE ROOF, THEN RAISE THE ROOF

08. 15. LUNCH

pork cutlet

Wow, it seems like we have this all the time. And actually we are having it fairly often, this vacation. The drastic deviation is that we are having much less eel and much more pork than usual — I’m not sure why, we still like eel. My brother’s the main culprit behind the pork cutlets, though, it’s easy enough to make and he’s the one stuck at home cooking for himself all the time. If I had my way, you know everyone would always be eating out. JAPANESE STYLE. And then getting really sad when the tempura arrives. An allegory of life at every meal! I amaze myself with my philosophical depth. Once we were watching TV during dinner and they were showing this guy who worked at a rest area cutting pork cutlets, and he was rather impressive. It just strikes me as odd, though, that you would commute to a highway rest area. It defies the definition of the place altogether. It’s like working as a janitor at a garbage dump.

birthday cake

For dessert! You can see the whole cake in the picture for the dinner entry on the 13th. My mother and I agree that for a cake with this much whipped cream, it is surprisingly good. I don’t know if I would like to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant, but I’m sure my hesitation stems from the many difficulties in the achievement of this wish, not because of any lack of merit on the part of the cake.

08. 07. DINNER

pork cutlet

Frankly, I don’t quite remember if I had this on the 7th at all, let alone whether it was for dinner. But that’s okay! Time is relative anyway, (I do not think that concept means what you think it means) so as long as I had this at some point in time, it is irrelevant exactly when. I really shouldn’t have started talking about the Romance in the previous post, because now it’s really difficult to stop. Addendum: I want Zhao Yun to have had this really eccentric sense of humor that involves his cracking with a super straight face incredibly odd jokes that people don’t know whether to find funny or not. And then Magical Mister Tactician Man can thoughtfully ruminate upon the joke behind his feather fan for a bit, then ask, “General Zhao, pardon me my impudence, but could that just now possibly have been an attempt at humor, by any chance?” because he is untouchable and can ask this human murder machine any damn thing he likes. Zhao Yun is well aware of this and is also unfazed by the insinuations behind the extra dose of politeness, so he’s like, “Yeah uh huh what now” and Zhuge Liang is like “Okay from now on you are to be situated at the forefront of every major battle you loser” and Zhao Yun is like “GOOD I LIKE KILLING” and Zhuge Liang is like “STICK TO IT BECAUSE IT’S THE ONLY TALENT YOU HAVE” and Liu Bei is like “SHUT UP YOU FREAKING JERKS I AM TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP HERE” and Zhang Fei is like “PARTAAAAAAY” …that turned out way too antagonistic for my tastes, but you get the idea. It is one big family. And then Zhao Yun is like “YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE CHANCELLOR?” and Zhuge Liang is like “um sure IF WE WEREN’T ALREADY OUTSIDE YOU MORON GOSH” and Zhao Yun is like “OH SNAP BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR WIFE IS A FUGLY COW” and Zhuge Liang is like “AT LEAST I’M NOT STILL SINGLE LIKE THIS ONE GENERAL I KNOW” and Liu Bei is like “OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I AM THE EMPEROR AND I WANT YOU TO SHUT UP LIKE NOW” and Zhang Fei is like “PARTAAAAAAAAAY”. I have no sense of shame. But I will spare you the excruciatingly detailed scenes that follow because they contain pretty much the same thing, lots of yelling and friendly hostility. Pork cutlet! It was good! I-I don’t know when I had it, but it was good!

07. 22. DINNER

pork cutlet, green peppers (고추) and rice

WordPress seems to have gotten rid of the little photo caption thing that I was complaining about. Score! Somebody had something right on their mind. Anyway, here’s dinner. I had fish for lunch, but I was eating with a person that I had to do a presentation with, and I really don’t want to be construed as a freak on first impression so I kept the camera unused. OH MY GOSH so on the radio show just now they referenced my favorite favorite favoritest comedian from 2004. That sounds so random but — honestly, there was magic there, I can’t believe it was four years ago. Unfortunately he jumped the shark when people started making more out of his ~boyish good looks~ and not his odd, self-sustainable sense of humor, but while it lasted it was amazing. I have no idea what he’s doing now, apparently he went off to become an actor or something but things didn’t really pan out — anyway, it’s such a nostalgic topic to think about. He would strut onstage with his ridiculous white cape, his entire act built on his own personality and a handful of cheap puns, and just as abruptly he would stroll off again, so utterly full of himself. No wonder it took a while for his skit to catch on. It’s somehow fitting that ZL is the one doing the referencing. Well, that was four years ago — when I was actually up to date on the comedy shows and I found some of it funny at least. I’m sure some stuff out there is funny now, I’m just missing it all. BUT YOU GUYS I CAN’T STAY UP UNTIL PAST MIDNIGHT JUST TO GET A FEW LAUGHS. COME ON BROADCAST TELEVISION.

07. 13. DINNER

appetizer with shrimp and clam

Actually it might not be clam. It might be abalone. But it might be clam, and I’m going to say that it’s clam, because this is not really the most important part of the post. So here’s the deal; every time we can, which is probably once or twice a year at most, the old comics club from high school meet up and proceed to squander away our earnings on some ridiculously outrageous item of food we happen to be obsessed with at the time. We did it before with beef, multiple times — this time around, it was crab. To be exact, crab sashimi. This is our version of an eating disorder, we go and we stuff our faces and then we purge our purses. It’s rather edifying, honestly.

steamed eggs with crab and mushroom

By this point, we were already in tears. It was just so warm, and so soft, and why do all words used to describe food always sound so drastically perverted? I especially feel Pedobear lurking around the edges of this one. But enough about Pedobear while talking about a hulking beast of a meal.

appetizer salad with some fantastic dressing

I’m not completely certain where the crab was in this. The meat appears to be pork. Or we thought it was pork. But at any rate, it also had cherry tomatoes and walnuts and pecans and croutons and an amazing sweet-sour dressing. It is going to be increasingly more difficult to add commentary to these pictures, so forgive me if you are spared my nonsensical babble. It is better for all of us.

crab gratin

Also, this is for reference, but the restaurant we went to was called Kora, and its website can be found at koracrab.co.kr. Their site insists that it’s only three hundred meters from the exit of the subway station to the restaurant, but this is a blatant lie. We walked at least twenty minutes just to get to the intersection.

crab soup

We suspect that this misinformation is their way of separating the desirable customers from the less desirable ones. Those who belong to the restaurant most likely will come by car, and thus have no problem reaching it whatsoever. Those, on the other hand, who choose to come by subway, don’t exactly deserve to be eating there. But we made it, through the fire and the flames. Suckers.

crab sashimi

This was our raison d’etre. It was actually a different sort than we’d expected, because we were thinking of a different species of crab, but nonetheless it was really good. I’m rather a fan now. It’s far from chewy, more a gelatinous glob, but it slides off the shell amazingly and the flavor is delightfully. odd. Oh, god, did I just reference what I think I referenced?

grilled crab

My promise of staying silent for this entry has been woefully compromised. Look, here, I’ll make better on it starting now.

steamed crab

crab, sweet potato and squash tempura

crab and noodles and mushrooms oh my

This was the last course, and when we could manage to speak for the joy that clogged our throats, we were very, very, very well satisfied. There was a small plate of fruit afterwards, which was rather disappointing a dessert considering the dimensions of the meal, but we made up for it by getting a dessert of our own that we started craving in the middle of the meal. This seems to be a popular pastime; talking about things you want to eat while eating something really good. Kind of like how I love watching food-related programs during dinner.

녹차빙수: green tea shaved ice with red beans

Ugh, this was so good too. My most recent frame of reference was the piece of crap from Burger King, but independent of that, it was an excellent specimen. The almonds especially, and I liked that they didn’t have fruit, which is only truly necessary when the other ingredients aren’t pulling their weight. Which they totally were. The almonds especially. We were actually going to get drinks from a convenience store and sneak them into a movie or something, but by this time it was magically ten at night and we had to disperse for fear of not being able to take public transportation home. And so we got this out of our system for another long while. The next item of interest is, currently, ostrich meat. If we can find it here out of the zoo.

07. 12. LUNCH

메로구이: grilled Chilean sea bass

Coincidentally, we had mero fish again today. It was because we went out for lunch, since my dad’s leaving for Canada in a couple of days — and since the primary item on the menu comes in bountiful servings and is rather determinedly overpriced, we had to order two other main courses to fill out the quota. This way of grilling it makes the fish a lot harder, and the flavor is more from the sauce than the fish itself. It wasn’t bad, but as my brother and I agreed, the kind sold across the street was better.

삼합: fermented skate, pork belly and old kimchi

As soon as I realized that this was on the menu, I knew my mom was going to get it. She is almost irrationally drawn to it, kind of like how I insist on ordering creme brulee everywhere I go. But according to her, an opinion seconded by my father, the kind we had at the restaurant near home was better. I’m no great connoisseur so I can’t say for sure, but there wasn’t anything special about this. Maybe the ammonia was less pronounced than last time, but on the whole it was unremarkable.

간장게장: crab pickled in soy sauce

But this — this was what we were there for. This is what I’m here for, and this is why this blog exists at all — the taste of frivolous nightmares. God. I’m home. Does it make you lonely to hear it? There are no adjectives to describe it, favorable or not, in Korean or any other language. Because really, it’s nothing, and it’s not salty, not sweet, not sour or bitter or spicy, it’s not fishy, it’s not quite anything. But it’s unmistakable. You forget it, and it reminds you, heavy in the back of your throat. At the bottom of things, I think it’s something rather like Seoul. It’s overpriced, it’s not fancy, and it doesn’t even have the good grace or sense to look appealing. It makes absolutely no sense and thinking about what it is for too long will only make your head hurt. But all the same, you’re in love with it. And when you hear it call, it’s not like the beckoning of a siren, nothing like a song in the slightest. It’s uninviting, it’s irresistible, and you can’t rationalize it even to yourself. But all the same, there are people filling the city that feel the same thing you do, and you’re together in this second-rate adoration. It is undeserving of your heart and your heart is not nearly enough to do it justice. It’s an acquired taste; you’re born with it in your blood; you’ll never grow to like it.

게딱지: the shell

Whose fault is it that you eat the cartilage off drumsticks, the innards of lobsters — do you even remember? And eggs. Tiny eggs. Millions and millions, and you with no remorse. This is less a meal and more a ritual, a precise way of dining that has nothing to do with manners, history or culture. It’s just the way things are, you were taught sometime further back than you can recall. Like white tuna and sesame oil, or fresh honeycomb and nori. It’s just the way things are done. And what have you done, you people, for the thousands of years you spent huddled in a peninsula amongst yourselves? How have you had so much time to devote to food, how have you made a religion out of it? And what am I doing, what is this ridiculous blog, there is something in the taste of the crab that floods you with pangs of perspective. What is, even, what is food — why do we take it so personally? How, in a land smaller than Kentucky, have you managed incomprehensible dialects, unnamed dishes, so much squabbling and petty division and this overwhelming bloated sense of self-importance? I have nothing but love for you. And you rend me to pieces. You love me back.

07. 06. DINNER

rice, grilled pork and angelica leaves

Actually I don’t know that they are called angelica leaves, since from what I can tell they’re a Japanese variant thereof, but they’re called 신선초 and they’re all for my brother since I don’t much enjoy their flavor. I want my vegetables to properly yield way to the taste of meat, thank you, not assert themselves. What do they think they are? Nutritious? Please. Most of the side dishes aren’t really pictured here, but one day they will have a feature position of their very own. Until that day, they need to deal with the fact that trying to fit everything on the table into a single photograph just makes things messy. Also that is not the right thing to be doing when you are hungry.

06. 29. DINNER

족발: pig feet

Wow, things sound kind of really unappetizing when you put them that way. They were kind of actually unappetizing back in the days of foot and mouth, but now that that’s the least of our worries, we’re gravitating away from the beef. We picked up a pack of prepared pig feet so that we could have it for dinner (with rice, of course, and with kimchi, because it goes with pork like I went with your mom last night) instead of attempting to cook anything, because Mom was eating out again and we were in convulsive tears over the fact. Why can’t we party hard once in a while? Oh, wait, we’ve pretty much been doing nothing but that starting on Friday night. But now it is Sunday and the week draws upon us once more. Sometimes I love being at the gym because it allows me to forget my pain. The woe, oh the humanity. I believe I can see the future, et cetera, et cetera, every day is exactly the same.